Flash Fiction written by members and friends of the MuseItUp Club. Submissions are invited for this page.*

HARD LESSONS OF HISTORY

by Michael A. Kechula

“Something’s wrong with my hamster,” Jim said to the veterinarian. “It’s been growing bigger every day.”

“How big is it?”

“Same size as my refrigerator.”

“Sounds like a severe glandular disorder.  Bring it to my office immediately.”

“I’ll be there soon as soon as I can get some neighbors to help me load it onto my truck.”

When Jim arrived, the doctor told him to bring the hamster into the examination room.

“I can’t,” Jim said.  It takes six guys to lift him.”

Grabbing his medical bag, the doc ran outside. “Good grief!  It barely fits in the back of your truck.” 

The vet pressed his stethoscope against the hamster’s side.  “Geez. I never heard such racket.  If I didn’t know better, I’d swear I hear vehicles racing around inside your hamster.  And the sound of marching soldiers.”

“Can I listen?” Jim asked.

The vet passed the stethoscope.

“Hey, I hear helicopters!  And ships blowing foghorns!  What do you make of this, doctor?”

“I’ve seen several bizarre mutations lately.  Three-eyed dogs.  Ten-legged rabbits.  But none had strange noises coming from inside their bodies.  Something weird might be happening to your hamster’s digestive system.” 

“Frankly, it sounds to me like an invasion force that’s ready to launch an attack,” Jim said.

“An invading army inside a hamster?  C’mon, get a grip.  Well, none of this makes sense.  I’m going inside to confer with a colleague at the university.  Maybe he’ll know what’s happening.”

When the vet headed to his office, Jim thought he heard chainsaws.  Checking his pet, he was amazed to see tiny chainsaws cutting small doorways through its fur from inside.   The hamster acted as if nothing were happening.

Suddenly, tiny tanks and troops rushed out, blasting everything in their path.  Attack helicopters slaughtered Jim.  Tanks and cannons fired at the vet’s building, blowing it to smithereens.

The same scene was repeated throughout the world.   In three days, Earth was conquered.

“What are our losses?” the Emperor of Mars asked his conquering generals.

“Insignificant.”

“Good.  I’m glad you studied Earth’s history very carefully. You were right when you said we shouldn’t use wooden horses for our invasion, because that had already been done.”

“Actually, it wouldn’t have mattered, Your Highness.  We’ve discovered that Earthlings do not study history anymore.  We know more about their past than they do.”

“To their great disadvantage,” said the Emperor.  “Too bad they didn’t learn the hard lessons of history.  Those who don’t know the past are condemned to repeat it.”

“Wonderfully wise saying, Your Highness.”

“Thank you,” the Emperor said.  “Now, let’s review our plans to invade the next planet.  Tell me, do they have hamsters on Jupiter?”

Michael A. Kechula is a charter member of the MuseItUpClub.  

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The Flashers page is edited by Lea Schizas and Les Stephenson.